Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Saying "HI!" and looking for hugs...

Hi friends...I'm in Illinois with my mom, stepdad and my brother's family right now. My stepdad is in the end stage of terminal cancer, and very close to starting the next part of his journey. We have hospice care for him now, and he is getting morphine and ativan every two hours. He has been more than a "stepfather" to me...he has been my daddy and PawPaw to my kids for the past 18 years, so it is very hard to watch him leaving us, and very hard to watch my mom go through this, as my grandma, her mom, just passed away less than two years ago. Even though I know he is not really leaving us, but continuing on in the next part of his soul's journey, it is still very hard. I hope I am keeping him comfortable. It brings us peace to know that he is at home with us, and not in a nursing home or hospital. When he takes his final breath, he will be surrounded by his family and those who love him.
Today my sister-in-law and I went to make all the funeral arrangements and cemetary arrangements so my mom wouldn't have to do that again. When my grandma passed away none of my mom's brother's (there are 5 of them) would help with arrangements, expenses, etc... so it was me and my mom and stepdad that did that, and now my mom doesn't have her husband by her side for support, so we went today so she wouldn't have to.
My kids and grandbabies weren't able to make the trip down with me...they were not able to get LOA's at work as I have been able to, so hopefully they will be able to join us for PawPaw's funeral. My hospital is very family oriented and very understanding in giving me the time off to be with my family right now. My mom really needs me right now, so I am glad that I could be here with her, but am very lonely for home and my kids and grandbabies.
I just wanted to come here and leave a note of what is going on, as this is my home on the web, and I feel a little less homesick, and a little less lonely being able to come here and share life, joy and sorrow with my friends. Thank you all for being a part of my journey here on earth, and sharing my pain and heartache.

A tribute to PawPaw with his great grandbabies...

PawPaw and Ryder

PawPaw and Lyllie

My niece Rylie and Ryder sitting with PawPaw...
he loves his grandbabies and great-grandbabies!! We know he will be our angel in heaven watching out over all his babies!!


nanaknits said...

You'll all be in my prayers.

monica said...

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.